I think I have it right

After years of telling myself that I was happy, and then completely falling on my ass only to realize what sort of hole I had buried myself in, I think I finally did it right. It's been a while since my last post, life has been keeping me busy. We had Thanksgiving at Tom's mother's house. I had to work, but I made a bunch of pies for the dessert table that appeared to be quite the hit. By the time I got there after work, my pumpkin pie had been reduced to a mere sliver. All was well, Tom and I had our own Thanksgiving a couple of weeks later. We had roasted turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, squash, broccoli casserole, rolls, cherry pie, and pumpkin pie. All made from scratch, and absolutely amazing. I got a little homesick and worried about how Christmas was going to work out with our current financial situation, and Tom pulled through. We went Christmas shopping on a meager budget, but put a lot of thought into everyone's gift. We had our own little Christmas a couple of days before the actual Christmas. Tom gave me a gorgeous black electric guitar, I got him an electronic drum set. My ultimate Christmas gift was a trip back to Maine for the holiday. It required a 30 hour drive through snow storms in upstate New York, but Tom got me home for Christmas. Once back in Missouri, Tom and I made Christmas dinner for his side of the family. Overall, I would say our first Christmas was an amazing success, and I look forward to many many holiday seasons to come.

I guess my overall theme, is that Tom pulled through. He looks out for me. When I tell him I love him, he looks me right in the eye and tells me that he loves me too, and I know that comes with the same amount of emotion I send his way. When I first came out here, I was convinced that I didn't deserve to be with someone like him. I even told him that, I told him that he deserves someone so much better than me. He told me he didn't want anyone else. Life in Missouri hasn't been easy, and at times it has been quite difficult. Money doesn't grow on trees, and I quickly learned the value of a dollar. One thing that can be said, is that I'm happy, and for the first time, in a long time, I'm learning how to be, and stay happy. So what if we have to stay in every week instead of going out to fancy restaurants? We are plenty happy spending time at home with each other.

Last night, Tom surprised me with a date night. It was our first one since I moved out here in August. He told me that he needed to give his friend a ride. I didn't even want to go, but he told me that he wanted me to go. We dropped his friend off, and then Tom surprised me and took me to an Indian restaurant followed by a trip to the IMAX to see Avatar. It was all absolutely amazing, but for me, the high point was during the movie, I was sitting quite comfortably with Tom's arm around me, and I realized something. I did it right. I'm happy, in love, and excited about the direction that my life is heading in.

That's all I have for now. We are heading into anniversary season. Tom won't tell me anything, but I know he has something planned. I love that boy. With all my heart.

What a Year It Has Been

Exactly three hundred and sixty days ago, my life changed forever. I went to work and came home, ready for my normal Friday night routine of going out for dinner with my husband. Instead, I came home to find my apartment in disarray, my laundry basket missing, Andrew's clothes gone, and Andrew no where to be found. A phone call confirmed my suspicion, Andrew was on his way to the airport to pick up his new girlfriend. He already found an apartment, and was ready to start out his new life with her. My next phone call was to my mother, she had just gotten off work and was headed my way. Then I called my sister, I didn't even need to tell her what happened, I said "Hello" and she told me she was on her way. Within hours my mom and Brian were at the apartment to pack up what was left of my shattered life and drive me to their house. Laura arrived to spend the weekend with me.

I am not going to use this post to grieve over a dead marriage. I have no desire to ever be in a relationship with Andrew. I don't miss it, at all. Now that I know what it means to be in a healthy relationship, I truly have to question why I stayed for so long in an abusive, toxic relationship with Andrew. A year ago, I thought that my life was over. After all, who in their right mind would want to be with a twenty-something that already failed one marriage? At the time, I thought that it was the worst day of my life, but now, I look back on that night and reflect. A lot has changed since November 14, 2008. Friendships have been renewed, my relationship with my family has strengthened, I have fallen in love again. Some of the first words that my mother said to me when she found me alone in my apartment was that "divorce is a time when you find out who your best friends are" as always, mom was right.

I now question if a year ago was the worst night of my life, or the best night. A turning point of sorts. I like how Tom worded it once, "it was that night that you dusted your self off, stood on your own two feet, and took control of your life for the first time in six years." It took me a while to regain my strength and composure, but Tom is right. I did take control, I started living for me, and though I'm still dealing with the finacial fallout of hurricane Andrew, I am the happiest that I have been in a long time. For once, I like the direction that my life is headed in. I'm with Tom, the guy that I should have been with all the long. Years ago, when Tom heard that Andrew and I were engaged, he told me that I would be stupid to marry Andrew. I didn't listen. I was blinded. Fate has a way of getting what it wants, and I truly believe that Tom is my second chance. He's my boyfriend with ten years of experience as my best friend underneath. On the professional front, I have an interview Tuesday in Chicago for a School Psychologist position. The recruiter that I have been working with is expecting me to get an offer on the spot. This is exactly the opportunity that I have been waiting for. Tom is excited too and planning our big move. I have a lot to look forward to in the coming months and years.

In closing, a couple of weeks ago, Tom asked me to think about where I wanted to settle down and raise a family. The question struck me, not because of the family aspect, but rather, the idea of planning years in advance. I have literally spent the last year living day to day. I guess it goes to show that things are indeed changing. I also think that while this is the first anniversary of Andrew leaving me, it is the only one that I will make note of. My life is moving forward, it is foolish to cling to the past.

New job, swine flu, and life in general

I'm a bad blogger. I apologize. I haven't updated for two months. I would offer an excuse, but the truth is, I don't have an excuse for not writing at the moment. Call me lazy, but I've been busy with a job. I've also been up and down mood wise as a result of struggling to find a job/homesickness/dealing with a messy divorce. Things are looking up once again, so it's time for an update.

I guess the biggest news since the last time I wrote is that I have a job. I am a youth worker at a psychiatric hospital for children. In English, it's my job to supervise children on the unit. On good days I get paid to play capture the flag, watch movies, and play video games. On not so good days, I get to sit out back in the quiet room and deal with some pretty severe behaviors. All in all, it's good. At least until I get my psych certification in Missouri and Kansas.

In other news, I'm settling into life in Kansas City. Tom and I both enjoy to cook, so we have taken an "all homemade" approach to cooking. It started with a brownie craving, which resulted in me making a batch of brownies from scratch. We both realized that we have talent in the kitchen and making stuff from scratch was practically as easy as making stuff from the box. It's healthier too. Now we make everything. For example, a couple of weeks ago, we both had a craving for pudding, which resulted in handmade banana creme pudding. Tom made the puddingy goodness, I assembled it. It's vanilla custard layered with slices of banana. Other creations include chocolate chip cookies, snickerdoodles, cheesecake, chocolate cheesecake ice cream, strawberry ice cream, and last night's dinner; crepes with peaches and a yogurt cream sauce. It's a rough life, but someone's got to live it.

The kids are doing good too. Nachos is growing up, he's not the tiny ball of orange fur anymore, and his eyes have changed from blue to brown. He's also big enough now to wear a sapphire blue collar. I'm also happy to announce that Nachos and Dakota have become buddies. Actually, Dakota is convinced that Nachos is her puppy. She likes to carry him around in her mouth, break down her dog food for him, and give him the occasional bath. They have also been known to cuddle together. We also have a new addition to the family, albeit temporary. We are fostering a brown tiger by the name of Kovu until a friend can find a place to stay that will allow kitties. Kovu keeps Nachos busy, and I guess is getting Nachos ready for Cyclone's arrival after Christmas. Kovu is an a seven month old brown tiger, kind of a miniature version of Cyclone, only about half as cool. ;)

We also had the nephews over for another night. What can I say? Aunt Jenny and Uncle Tomma are just awesome. Except when the nephews wake us up at 5:30, after going to bed around 2. On the positive note, we discovered that they boys enjoy vacuuming. My carpets have never been cleaner!

Most recently, Tom and I are on an unplanned "vacation" from work. Tom came down with a fever on Tuesday night and overall just felt like crap. Three days later, he decided that it might be a good idea to call his doctor. By that point, she didn't want him anywhere near the doctor's office, wrote him a script, and diagnosed him with H1N1 virus, aka the "swine flu." He's not allowed to go anywhere until Tuesday. I had a nasty throat infection that looked like strep, but didn't hurt. Personally, I think it was the piggy flu's attempt to get past my amazing immune system of death, but the doctor's diagnosed me with pharyngitis and told me to stay home until Monday, because I was exposed to H1N1. Tom's mom was a major lifesaver through the whole thing. Once Tom was diagnosed, she drove down to take me to the doctor and then carted me around to Wal-Mart to fill our prescriptions. In the process, her girlfriend made some awesome Jewish penecillain (chicken noodle soup). Now that Tom and I are both on meds we feel much better. We've been making culinary awesomeness all weekend, like crepes, breakfast skillets, and a really awesome halloween cake (mmm chocolate buttercream frosting!). Right before we both got sick, we went to the Rhineland for a much deserved dinner out. In the process, I managed to capture the elusive picture of Tom!

That's really pretty much it. Like I said, I'm settling into life in Kansas City. I still miss Maine terribly, and it looks like we will be home for Christmas. Once I know the exact dates, I'll be sure to post them. I want to try to fit is as much visitation as possible so that I can thoroughly confuse Tom with my extended family. My ex is being a total douche and tried to report my car as stolen. Tom is supporting me through everything and even took the phone away from me a couple of times to tell the ex where he could go. It's okay, I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Oh, and as a final note, Tom and I have picked out a wedding date. September 10th, 2011. No official engagement yet, just something to put in your calendars. We are taking our time with this one.

Birthdays, Kittens, and Jello Shots

Tom and I celebrated our birthdays last week, his was on the 9th and mine was on the 14th. Due to the financial constraints of driving across the country and moving into a new apartment, our birthdays were rather low key, but extra special regardless because we actually got to celebrate them in person. Having birthdays in close proximity has always been a part of our friendship and Tom has sent me an e-card on my birthday every year except once. Tom had to work on his birthday, so I gave him his present a little early, it was a toolbox with Craftsman tools, something we could use around the apartment. For his actual birthday, I made cheddar stuffed hamburgers topped with barbeque sauce. I roasted up some potatoes, turnips, and carrots for the side. He pretended to be impressed... in all reality, I can't hold a candle to him in the kitchen.

For my birthday, we ran a few errands to get stuff for the apartment and then brought home our youngest child, Nachos. He's a three-month old orange tiger kitty, and down right ferocious I should add. He seems to have taken a liking to the chaise lounge. Tom's mom and Wendy let us borrow a kitty bed that Nachos had been sleeping in. He hasn't touched it since he discovered the chaise. Dakota is warming to the idea of being a big sister. At first she tried to eat Nachos, but now she just sorts of licks him and watches his antics. It probably helps that we got Dakota a flying chicken to play with the same day we brought Nachos home. I should also add that Nachos is definitely a gemini. He likes to climb on me and Tom and mew. He also likes to attack anything that moves. Tom and I are still looking forward to bring home our oldest. I miss my Cyclone.

As I am now dating a football kind of guy, it was brought to my attention that we are now in NFL pre-season. I have learned that I am a Chicago Bears fan, and I hate the Packers. In fact, if I were to show any sign of loyalty to said Packers, I was told that I would find myself homeless. Tom may not realize this yet, but the same would be true if he were to ever declare loyalty to the Yankees. Anyways, Saturday night was the Kansas City Chiefs first (?) televised pre-season game. Tom and I happen to have an HD tv, so we had his mom, Wendy, his sister, and her boyfriend over for a pre-season get together/birthday celebration. Tom's mom brought some steaks for Tom to cook up and I made french fries. We also had a caesar salad. On the birthday celebration side of things, we had bowls of jello shots which were quite tasty. Wendy made me a three-tiered suncatcher with pictures of Tom growing up. I have a picture of him as a baby, around age 6 with his sister, and at sixteen. It was very sweet, I love it. If anything can be gleaned off of Tom's baby pictures, we are going to have adorable children.

Slumber Party with AUNT Jenny and Uncle Tomma

Today was Tom's first day of a well earned vacation. Originally, we were supposed to be road tripping back to Maine, however, for financial reasons, we have opted to postpone the trip. Part of growing up is realizing that money doesn't grow on trees. Tom and I are going to make the best of it.

The plan for the day was to have a lazy day and to go grocery shopping. Well, we went grocery shopping, but we also invited Tom's mother, her girlfriend, and his two oldest nephews over for dinner. The boys had speghetti o's while the adults enjoyed a chicken stir-fry that Tom whipped up along with peach mimosas (peach champagne and orange juice). I made a strawberry rhubarb pie for desert, to which I had to giggle a bit because several of the people in my apartment at the time had never had rhubarb. :)

We invited the boys to stay over for the night, which gave me the opportunity to get used to my new title "Aunt Jenny." The boys quickly fell into using it, which just makes me smile. I've never been an aunt before. As far as aunts and uncles go, Tom and I are the kind that the kids want to go spend time with. The boys had an absolute ball. They got to use Aunt Jenny and Uncle Tomma's shampoo during tubby time, and I sprayed them with a little of Tom's body spray so they could "smell like Uncle Tomma". Both boys enjoyed playing with my X-Men action figures, and as you can see from the picture above, I gave our budding rock stars some pointers. After tubby time, Tom made strawberry banana ice cream and we watched Robin Hood. I'm really liking being an auntie. Do I have to give the boys back?

New Apartment!

I disappeared for a couple of days because... we moved into our apartment on Wednesday! The week has been a bit of a rollercoaster, but the good news is that Tom and I are room mates and we are just about settled in our new digs. Moving day had a ton of hitches and we were busy moving stuff in and unpacking until well past midnight.

The cable guy arrived first thing Thursday morning to hook up our cable and internet. Tom does all the technical stuffies at work, which is awesome. If I had a problem with anything, I just text him and he can fix it :D There are definitely benefits to dating the cable guy. In terms of service, I have all the premium channels, DVR, international channels, HDTV, and turbo internet for about ten bucks a month. Tom also decided to give me my birthday present a little early. After months of dealing with a laptop that is slowly dying, Tom gave me a brand new laptop, complete with web cam so I can Skype with my mom and sister. It was an awesome evening, I had the Red Sox on tv and boiled dinner on the stove. It was just like home, only Tom came home to me after work instead of having to call me.

The rest of the week has been spent running errands and unpacking. I think that we are just about settled now. We bought a couch and chaise off of one of Tom's co-workers and Tom had a queen sized bed delivered on Thursday. Aside from shelving and a desk for Tom's computer (he is currently using a pile of plastic totes) I think we have all the furniture that we need. I like the apartment. It's just the right size, not too big, not too small. As of now it's not cluttered, and the kitchen is actually big enough to cook in. I love it. I love my room mate too. There are not words to express how happy I am, now I just need to find a job.

Pictures!

My living room... yes, that is a Red Sox game on TV... and the pile of totes is Tom's "desk"

My kitchen! Gas stove! And we both cook! If you visit, we'll feed you!

The potty room

The bedroom, no bedding set yet, but with 90 degree days, a sheet does the job!

His and Hers guitars... well, techinically, his is a bass... but you know

My walking buddy

Getting settled, slowly

Today is my second day in Kansas City... well, I guess I should say Missouri, because right now I'm staying in Independence at Tom's mom's house. I'm adjusting to city life again, and loving every minute of it. For lunch yesterday, Tom and I explored the neighborhood where we will be living. He showed me where the post office is, as well as the grocery store. I can't wait to get my bike out here, everything is really close to my apartment. As a treat, we stopped at the Jeruselem Cafe for lunch. I got a gyro and Tom had chicken curry. He's in love with the stuff, I can't wait to introduce him to Laura's boyfriend hehe. As an appetizer we had, and I'm going to butcher the spelling, baba ganoush (?) which is like hummus but made with eggplant. Quite tasty I should add.

Today I actually got to tour the apartment. I sign my lease tomorrow and we are planning to move in tomorrow evening. I love the place, it's really cute. I would say that it's about the size of the apartment I had in New York, except the kitchen is easily twice as big as that kitchen. It has a full sized gas stove and a little area on the side for a table. There is a pennisula separating the kitchen from the living room, I'll need to get some bar stools so that I can have a breakfast bar. The bathroom is really cute, I have a pedistal sink :D I really like it. It's a first floor apartment, so I have to walk up a total of four stairs to get from the parking lot to my apartment, and my bedroom is overlooking the courtyard. As I mentioned before, the neighborhood is really nice, with little shops and restaurants close by. I also have a park just around the corner, which I will be exploring with Dakota. I hope she likes walking, because I certainly do!

I'm spending the rest of today job hunting. I got an e-mail response to a case manager position I applied for, which looks promising. I'm applying to a few more places today, and then I am going to call a bunch of the places that I applied to before. Then it's off to an undisclosed location to purchase a birthday present for a certain someone who's birthday is coming up...

I'm here!

As planned, I arrived in Kansas City on Sunday night. The remainder of my drive was easy, just long. By the time I pulled into the driveway at Tom's mother's house I was ready to be done driving for a while. The second half of my journey was certainly more interesting than my first one. I've driven from Maine to Buffalo many times to get to Canada, and the little stretch between Buffalo and Cleveland was in the dark so I couldn't see anything. When I woke up the next morning, the first thing that I noticed was the terrain had changed. First it was the absense of pine trees, then it was the realization that the familiar rolling hills of New England had been exchanged for wide, flat expanses of farm land. I thought that I had found prarie, however, a quick text message to Tom concluded that I was in the rich farmland of the Ohio River valley.

I got to drive through several major US cities, which include Columbus, Ohio; Dayton, Ohio; and Indianapolis, Indiana. Indianapolis is a really pretty city, I loved the skyline. :D I also had a bit of a redneck moment when I drove past the famous "brickyard". Then it was on to Illinois. Tom warned me that anything south of I-80 was considered rural Illinois. What he should have said is that Illinois is a huge, flat cornfield with a major US city on top. I was counting down the miles to St. Louis, it was definitely encouraging to see Missouri cities on the highway signs.

I finally reached the Mississippi River about mid-afternoon on Sunday. It was definitely one of the most surreal experiences of my life. I'm a history geek, so stuff like this makes my day. I crossed the Mississippi river a few miles north of St. Louis on the famous Rt. 66. To my left, on the horizon, I could see St. Louis and the gateway arch. It was awesome, and that, combined with being in the same state as Tom gave me enough of an adreniline rush to keep going. I was definitely getting tired of driving at that point.

Missouri is a prarie state, and after spending a week in Wyoming this past winter with my dad, I was fearing for the worst. To my surprise, Missouri prarie is not the desolate wide expanse of Wyoming. Rather, it is rolling hills of emeral green with groves of trees/shrubs all over the place. It was actually really pretty. My favorite part of my drive actually occurred just before I hit Kansas City. Something else I didn't know about Missouri was that they have abolutely gorgeous sunsets, and to add, I was still out in the prarie, so the sky was huge! Some of the brightest shades of oranges, reds, blues, and pinks I have ever seen, and since I was headed west, I was literally driving into the sunset. I could just imagine myself sitting on the front porch swing of an old prarie farm house sipping sweet tea and enjoying the sunset. I think I can be very comfortable here.

I arrived in the Kansas City metro area just as the sun slipped below the horizon, which was a treat in itself because cities are always prettiest at night when they are lit. I got to Tom's mother's house about an hour before Tom got home from work. He literally got home in about 15 minutes, to which someone responded "he never gets home that quick, it's because SHE'S here" that made me giggle. For my first night in Kansas City, Tom made me dinner. He is quite a chef, and I am definetly going to have my work cut out for me convincing him that I am also a fairly decent cook. Tom made me ribeye steak stuffed with feta cheese and portobella mushrooms; on the side he made sauteed cabbage and pierogies. I was in heaven. As I mentioned, his cooking is abolutely amazing, like having a personal restaurant chef... it was also the first food that I had in two days that didn't come from a drive through window. He certainly knows how to welcome a girl to her new home.

Life is a Highway

I spent last night in Medina, Ohio; which is between Cleveland and Columbus. I'm officially halfway done my journey! Yesterday was the boring drive, highlights included driving across New York and the wonderful $18 toll ($15 to go from Albany to Buffalo, then $3 to go from Buffalo to the PA border). As a self-respecting Mainer, I take the New Hampshire toll personally... the New York one is just sadistic. I guess I should also add that I crossed the Appalachian mountains in Massachusettes and drove along the American shore of Lake Erie. Highlights for today include driving through the plains, changing time zones, and crossing the Mississippi River.

My brain is still an absolute mess of emotion. I miss home and my mom. I am beginning to accept the fact that the midwest is nothing like New England, and I'm not liking it. At the same time, in my heart of hearts I know that I belong with Tom, and I should have made this trip years ago. The problem with life is that we are not given an instruction manual. We go through life hoping that we are making the right decisions, but we really don't know until we take the risk and either succeed or fail. It is scary to leave everything that I have known, but the last time I gave into the fear and stayed I got burned (by staying with Andrew). Tom has promised me that everything will be okay. He has never led me wrong in ten years, I have complete trust in him. I just wish that Missouri wasn't so far away.

I apologize if this post is whiney or disjointed. I'll be better once things settle down a bit.

My Life v2.0

My approach to life has always been to hit the ground running. I always moved forward, got my hands dirty, and never looked back. From the outside, I was living the dream. I had an apartment in on the coast of Maine, married my sweetheart, and spent my vacations traveling while I pursued a double master's degree. Then, reality kicked in. I graduated and quickly realized that there is no way I could stay in New England and pay back my student loans. My marriage began to fall apart, and little by little I began to feel isolated from my family and friends. The bottom fell out of the proverbial bucket one day in November when I came home and quickly realized that my husband had left me for a girl that he met on the internet. In what seemed like a split second, my life changed forever.

Ten months after the fact, I have come to realize that the events of the past year for in fact for the better. On the night my husband left me, my mother told me that it is during the process of divorce that you learn who your true friends are. These words of wisdom are what carried me through the next couple of months. Her words sung true, an little by little my friends came out of the woodwork. In January, I gathered all of the strength that I could muster, and contacted a friend from my college days that I was not able to talk to during my marriage due to some drama caused by my ex-husband. My friend and I quickly rekindled our friendship, as though we never left off, and decided to take things further in the form of a relationship. The relationship has been amazing.

Tom has taught me to trust and love again. He has always played a supportive role in my life, now he gets to play that role as my boyfriend. In the next couple of days, I'm going to pack up my life in the back of my car, say goodbye to New England, and start my life over in Kansas City with Tom at my side. After my attempt to live a life of butterflies and rainbows failed miserably, I have been given the rare second chance to start over and try again. Only this time, I'm living for me.