What a Year It Has Been

Exactly three hundred and sixty days ago, my life changed forever. I went to work and came home, ready for my normal Friday night routine of going out for dinner with my husband. Instead, I came home to find my apartment in disarray, my laundry basket missing, Andrew's clothes gone, and Andrew no where to be found. A phone call confirmed my suspicion, Andrew was on his way to the airport to pick up his new girlfriend. He already found an apartment, and was ready to start out his new life with her. My next phone call was to my mother, she had just gotten off work and was headed my way. Then I called my sister, I didn't even need to tell her what happened, I said "Hello" and she told me she was on her way. Within hours my mom and Brian were at the apartment to pack up what was left of my shattered life and drive me to their house. Laura arrived to spend the weekend with me.

I am not going to use this post to grieve over a dead marriage. I have no desire to ever be in a relationship with Andrew. I don't miss it, at all. Now that I know what it means to be in a healthy relationship, I truly have to question why I stayed for so long in an abusive, toxic relationship with Andrew. A year ago, I thought that my life was over. After all, who in their right mind would want to be with a twenty-something that already failed one marriage? At the time, I thought that it was the worst day of my life, but now, I look back on that night and reflect. A lot has changed since November 14, 2008. Friendships have been renewed, my relationship with my family has strengthened, I have fallen in love again. Some of the first words that my mother said to me when she found me alone in my apartment was that "divorce is a time when you find out who your best friends are" as always, mom was right.

I now question if a year ago was the worst night of my life, or the best night. A turning point of sorts. I like how Tom worded it once, "it was that night that you dusted your self off, stood on your own two feet, and took control of your life for the first time in six years." It took me a while to regain my strength and composure, but Tom is right. I did take control, I started living for me, and though I'm still dealing with the finacial fallout of hurricane Andrew, I am the happiest that I have been in a long time. For once, I like the direction that my life is headed in. I'm with Tom, the guy that I should have been with all the long. Years ago, when Tom heard that Andrew and I were engaged, he told me that I would be stupid to marry Andrew. I didn't listen. I was blinded. Fate has a way of getting what it wants, and I truly believe that Tom is my second chance. He's my boyfriend with ten years of experience as my best friend underneath. On the professional front, I have an interview Tuesday in Chicago for a School Psychologist position. The recruiter that I have been working with is expecting me to get an offer on the spot. This is exactly the opportunity that I have been waiting for. Tom is excited too and planning our big move. I have a lot to look forward to in the coming months and years.

In closing, a couple of weeks ago, Tom asked me to think about where I wanted to settle down and raise a family. The question struck me, not because of the family aspect, but rather, the idea of planning years in advance. I have literally spent the last year living day to day. I guess it goes to show that things are indeed changing. I also think that while this is the first anniversary of Andrew leaving me, it is the only one that I will make note of. My life is moving forward, it is foolish to cling to the past.